What does it mean to love our children in a truly God-centered, selfless, biblical sort of way? What does that even look like?

Several years ago I was asked to teach on this very subject. I pondered it for weeks. I then prayerfully came up with 3 major distinctives which I believe characterize a woman who is fulfilling her mandate “to…love their children” as intended in Titus 2:4.

Here they are. A woman who loves her children…Over the next few blogposts we’ll explore each of these characteristics. For today’s post, let’s focus on the first:

A woman who loves her children aligns her heart with what scriptures say regarding children.

There are two scriptures which speak specifically about children that I want us to dissect. First scripture: 

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!
Psalm 127:3-5

Let’s dig in a little on just the first phrase of this verse: "Children are a heritage from the Lord." Most translations choose the word heritage – some translations use gift or inheritance.

Webster’s defines a heritage as:
This phrase implies that children are a precious inheritance, given to us directly from the Lord! 
 
An inheritance, or, may I say, an heirloom, is something of great value that has been treasured and lovingly entrusted to us for safe keeping and watch care, and then, in time, passed down to bless future generations.  It’s understood that we don’t have complete ownership of an heirloom, only temporary stewardship. 

As you consider the implications of this verse ask yourself:Next, let's take a look at the second part of this scripture: "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth."
 
The author likens children to arrows — but not to toy arrows, or even to real arrows on display or in a pile with other nondescript, idle arrows. No, these are genuine warrior’s arrows, arrows of his quiver and in his hands. 

Real warrior’s arrows were made with a purpose, they were intended for strategic targets. They were precious to the warrior and guarded well.  He understood that his arrows weren’t created to just rest, unused in his hands, but to be strategically launched at just the right time and directed to just the right target!
 
This is a profound picture of God’s intent for our children.  They are our entrusted treasures and arrows to be prepared and ultimately launched with aim at an eternal target and with purpose. 
 
The next scripture I’d like us to focus on is:   

… the older women are to admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children…
Titus 2:4

Notice the order here.  We are instructed to first love our husbands.  This is the primary relationship which is unique to all other earthly relationships.  

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24

Our love for our children should never supersede the love for our husband. Sadly, I’ve witnessed many examples of this to the detriment of the marriage and the children.
 
When scripture speaks of “loving our children” in this passage, what kind of love do you think it’s describing?
 
For years I was certain the “love” described in Titus 2:4 was agape love: the self-sacrificing, lay your life down, Christ-like kind of love. I researched and discovered that, in fact, it is not agape love, but a compound Greek word found only in this verse.
 
The word is philo-teknos  which means: to be fond of ones children; to delight in them. To be a child-lover — as in a lover of your own children.
 
It comes from two Greek words:After my new found discovery I was incredulous and thought, "This can't be right!”  Why would scripture need to exhort women to love their children with an affectionate kind of love?  
 
So I researched and stumbled upon some profound quotes from Carolyn Mahaney's book, Feminine Appeal. Here is what she wrote about this passage:
After reading those profound words I quietly closed my computer and let the tears flow. You see, if there was ever an area of mothering that I would long to go back and do better (especially in those early years), it would have been to love my children with a greater “philo-teknos” kind of love. Quite honestly, I was often guilty of allowing less important things to rob me of deeply treasuring moments with my children…moments I can now never recapture.
 
Let’s take a moment and evaluate those “little foxes that spoil the vine” which prevent us from aligning our hearts with this scripture and fulfilling it. For me it was the house work, my never ending to-do list, homeschooling and sometimes, various weighty ministries that took priority over my children. How about you? Can you take an honest inventory and determine what may be preventing you from deeply enjoying and treasuring your children in this season of motherhood? It may be: hobbies, certain friendships, exercise, screen time, a side business, nutrition, alternative medicine, ministry needs, house projects, an overall hectic schedule etc…  

Notice that none of these in and of themselves are sinful pursuits. Actually, most of them are good ones. But as wise and godly women, we need to evaluate and prioritize, making sure Satan isn’t using these good things to prevent us from doing the best thing.

To align our hearts with this scripture, we must be willing to cull out those pursuits that are compromising us from fulfilling the scripture to “philo-teknos” our children.
 
One last point — for some of you it may be the behavior of your children that is preventing you from really enjoying and treasuring them.  If that is the case, let me strongly urge you to begin searching God’s Word about child-training and biblical chastening. God means for your children to be lovable blessing to you, but it’s your job as parents to make that happen! We have a growing number of resources that will help equip you to train your children so they will be a blessing to you and others. A well-trained child is a lovable child and a blessing.

In our next post we will discuss the second characteristic of “a mother who loves her children.”

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