Sometimes when I deeply ponder the gravity of parenting and truly consider the stakes, a certain deep-seated uneasiness (perhaps approaching panic) slips over me. It isn't thinking about parenting in general that does this, it is thinking about the parenting of a specific child who seems to have drifted off course without my having noticed it sooner.

I wonder if it is how I might feel the moment I realize I just missed an international flight home. That feeling of "too late" coupled with "can't be fixed" - only deeper and longer lasting. There is always another plane but there is no parenting do-over. We have no way to reverse neglect, to retroactively engage or love better. Once they're grown, it's done — parenting is over, for better or worse.

It's a sickening feeling to look back and see your parenting shortcomings, to feel shame over selfishness and squandered opportunities. Those precious faces captured in your memories and photos have somehow mysteriously changed into adult looking faces. How so quickly? Like sand through the hourglass, silently falls and empties - whether you watch or not. Chills.

Believe it or not, I recommend a good dose of this sensation on a regular basis. Kind of like taking occasional ice-water-plunges, beneficial perhaps but seldom pleasant. It seems our sensibilities need the occasional jolt to wake us up, to sober us up to return to vigilance. Find this sensation, and find it regularly — but temporarily, like the ice-water, don't stay there. Just drop in for a brief visit from time to time.

And after that jolting visit... don't worry. What? That's right. Instead pray, ask God to show you how to use the time you do have left, spread across the regular rhythm of life, to maximize your impact as a parent. A few well crafted, prayerful, loving moments here and there can deliver a life-time impact. The remedy for neglect is not more time, but more engagement. More prayer, more love, more insight. And less you.

Remember God is on your side in the parenting mission he has assigned you. You've been charged with a lofty and daunting assignment, but he also equipped you for success and is there to lovingly help.

Tags: distraction, fear, intentionality, motivation, overwhelmed, advice, anxiety, encouragement, guidance, guilt, uncertainty, perseverance, regret