Discipleship as it relates to stages of development

The Logic Stage

In our previous posts we discussed what discipleship is, and what it looks like in the early pre-school and elementary years.

Today, we are going to take a deeper look at discipleship in the tween years or the Logic Stage of discipleship (5th - 9th grades). We’ll discuss practical, effective ways you can help disciple your child in this stage.

During these years kids begin thinking more analytically. The analytic thought becomes added to the concrete. They want to know more of the "how" and "why" of things. They are beginning to test the facts they've learned and synthesizing information. At this age, boys are transforming into young men. They will begin asserting their authority, becoming overconfident in what they know and attempting to challenge and dominate female authority. Moms, don’t be shocked.

Girls will begin to show sporadic, volatile emotions. They will also begin asking deeper, more personal questions. Your kids (especially daughters) will likely ask direct questions about life and your past. Be prepared.

At this stage new levels of hormones are raging through your child’s body so they will be fighting against new temptations. Don’t be fearful. If you have established a solid foundation in discipleship and child-training in the grammar stage (preschool - early elementary years) you will have a strong framework to build upon.

1. Your child needs regular discipleship at this stage. Let your family devotional/bible study time be an opportunity for deepening spiritual discussion and conversation - even if it feels awkward. The knowledge learned in the grammar stage is taking root now so personal application of their faith is vitally important. Allow your child opportunities to ask hard questions and even challenge biblical ideas but always done respectfully. They need to know that you are the safest and most trusted people on the planet to have real and meaningful spiritual conversations. These conversations will plant seeds for a life-long rich friendship together.

2. At this stage you want your child to grow in having a high view of God. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” Psalm 111:10. Help cultivate this through family bible study, regular church attendance, and by daily demonstrating your personal walk with the Lord. A high view of God will become a powerful means to help them resist temptation.

3. If your child is unsaved:
4. Your child’s view and attitude of church is becoming established at this stage. Being a part of a sound, biblical church is of paramount importance and faithful attendance should be a priority. Be willing to adjust commitments and extra-curricular activities to fulfill Hebrews 10:24-24 in not forsaking assembling together. Making church a priority each and every week communicates to your child its centrality in your life. Also, a healthy, supervised youth group can be very instrumental in taking discipleship to a deeper level. Not all youth groups provide this, so be cautious.

5. Kids are VERY impressionable at this stage. Make available rich biographies of great men and women of faith for them to study and learn that they may one day emulate.

6. As a parent, you are beginning the process of handing the reigns of their faith over to them. Here their professed faith is really becoming their own - not simply their parents’ faith. If this doesn't happen, they may become part of the rising statistic of college students abandoning their faith. Their personal relationship with the Lord and understanding of God's Word should be growing. Encourage personal and regular bible study and memorization. Begin introducing them to appropriate spiritual books that will encourage and help grow their faith. This is a great age to invest in a study Bible for your child.

7.Consequences for sinful actions are very important (you want them to take sin seriously). At this stage they are entering puberty so understanding self-control and saying ‘no’ to various temptations becomes a large part of their discipleship. Faithful child-training in the grammar stage will pay off now. Find opportunities to have ongoing conversations about spiritual disciplines, personal integrity, sin, consequences and holiness.

8. With sons, the father figure becomes the person of greatest influence during this stage. It is imperative that dads are front and center especially when it comes to spiritual discipleship. Moms will need to be ok to take on more of a supportive role with sons. During these years boys often find it challenging to receive formal, spiritual teaching from their moms. This is perfectly normal so don’t be alarmed - however, respect and honor should always be the expected behavior of sons with their mothers no matter what stage they are in. The single parent will want to prayerfully begin searching for faithful, godly men that can speak into the lives of their sons during these years.

9. Help cultivate a burden for the lost during this stage. Give your child opportunities to pray for lost family members and friends. This is a wonderful age to begin equipping them to share the gospel with their peers.

10. Exploit new-found energies with opportunities for physical service. Find ways your kids can faithfully serve during this season and really begin storing up eternal treasures. Reach out to your deacons and see what needs the church body has that your kids can be a part of. Ministry and faithful service not only yields a servant’s heart but is another powerful means to help them resist temptation.

11. You should begin seeing the budding of spiritual gifts at this age. Study your child and begin asking the Lord to help you identify their giftings. Use this insight to teach them the blessing of their biblical use, help direct them to serve with their spiritual gifts.

12. At this stage you are beginning to prepare to send your kids out into the world. During these years we were very selective in removing or inserting our kids in challenging settings. We made sure that we were either present or had a very close pulse on these activities. We made greater efforts to talk to and guide our children during these times. If we felt they were being spiritually compromised we unapologetically removed them from these environments until we felt like they were at a more spiritually mature place to handle them.

This is the period in the life of your child where they begin to leave their childhood behind and grow in maturity towards adulthood. The transition of control is moving swiftly from the hands of the parent into the increasingly responsible hand of the child.

This is also a time the vast majority of parents perhaps fear the most, the approaching teen years. Take heart, if you parent well this actually can be an especially sweet time. For us, our children grew to become dear friends in this season - now lifetime friends as they are fully adult and on their own.

Embrace it.

Tags: anxiety, discipleship, elementary school, fear, intentionality, beliefs, church, expectations, faith, family, godliness, guidance, motivation, prayer, middle school, older children, parent-child relationship, practical help, salvation, seasons of parenting, training