I heard a podcast a few years back where two Christian men were lamenting the current fads of man-bashing and woman-boosting. They agreed that never are those two on display within the church quite like on Mother's Day for woman-boosting and Father's Day for man-bashing. If I think back to sermons I've happened to hear on any particular Mother's Day or Father's Day I can see their point.

On Mother's Days I've heard lavish praise for the moms in the audience with pastors asking all the moms to stand for special recognition and enthusiastic applause for their unending faithful sacrifice and service to her sadly too often ungrateful children and tolerance for their inadequate and neglectful fathers. Churches gave out gifts and flowers to all the moms with special gifts to the oldest-mom and mom-of-the-most-kids in the audience. Usually the end of the "special" message includes a strict charge to all us non-moms to treat the moms in our lives like royalty, at least on this one day. Sometimes the dads will get subjected to a few uncomfortably direct Mother's Day charges from the pulpit to effectively get-it-together and start pulling their weight in the home.

In contrast stands a typical Father's Day service. From my experience the two occasions at church have little in common. I can't recall a Father's Day service where the fathers were asked to stand for recognition and applause. Neither were fathers praised and their virtues extolled, nor gifts given. I don't recall hearing sharp corrective charges directed to their wives and children to better help and appreciate the fathers in their lives.

In both cases there seems an underlying assumption that most mothers are good and faithful, and most fathers are not. Biblically I can most assuredly say that all of us fall woefully short of God's standard of perfection, this includes all fathers and all mothers. But praise God we all can find refuge from our sin and its guilt and condemnation and have ready access to help that overcomes our sin through the transforming power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ! Indeed, that's a message appropriate for any Father's or Mother's Day!

I am not writing to call out churches for their Father's and Mother's Day practices. I might do that if I really believed those type services might actually make one iota of impact on the quality of the fathering and mothering practices within the church. We all need to sit under and hear the "whole counsel" (Acts 20:27) of God delivered through sound, systematic expository preaching. When we do, we will hear charges, exhortations, and encouragement to be fathers and mothers to the glory of God and not for earthly recognition, applause, or gifts. We all should hope to hear on that day, "well done, my good and faithful servant!" That's motivational for every day of living!

But for this Father's Day, if I may, I would like to offer some encouragement to those fathers among us who indeed are striving hard to one day be counted as a good and faithful servant.

I can say that in all my years as a father it was always my deepest desire to be the kind of father God would desire the children He entrusted into my care to have. I can also say that my faithfulness in fulfilling that desire ebbed and flowed and certainly always fell short of what I hoped for and certainly fell short of what God commanded and expected. I am pretty sure I am not alone in these feelings, whether you're a father of one year or of 20 years I imagine you can relate. Am I discouraged or defeated by this realization of inadequacy? Do I feel a burden of condemnation for this reality? No, I am not and do not. How so? Well, let me explain by sharing the story of an episode in my life that taught me much in this regard.

Many years ago, when I was a 36-year-old father of 7 children 12 and under, Mary was pregnant with our eighth child. At the time, I was serving as an elder in a church troubled by divisiveness, controversy, and sin within the congregation. Mary's 90-year-old grandmother had recently gotten very ill and was no longer able to live on her own, so she came to live with us.

There were now 10, soon to be 11 souls living in a house with under 2000 square feet where we all lived, played, and educated - all needed my time, attention, and care. I was commuting to work nearly 2 hours per day. Church gathered twice on Sunday and once mid-week plus there were weekly elder's meetings that often ended close to midnight as we prayed and labored through crisis after crisis within our troubled little church.

I felt spread way too thin and in an unsustainable way. Mary and I recall at the time agreeing that we didn't think we could handle even one more surprise burden. Well, the stage was indeed divinely set for that one more surprise burden.

One morning early in that pregnancy, right in the middle of a Texas ice-storm, while I was very ill in bed, Mary went off to town on icy roads to pick up a prescription for me. Walking through that store she suddenly began bleeding. She called me for help then retreated to the women's restroom to lay on the floor and wait. I pulled myself together and drove to pick her up and rushed her to the emergency room.

The ER doctor's diagnosis was blunt and grim - she was miscarrying our eighth child, and nothing could be done. But thankfully, God overruled that diagnosis, and she did not miscarry at that moment but her OB/Gyn was concerned she still would miscarry and so prescribed full bed rest in hopes of preserving the pregnancy.

During those many long months of bed rest I needed to step up to help keep the home running as Mary was laid aside confined to our bedroom. If all that wasn't enough, we were already in the midst of a major DIY project to convert our detached garage into a home for Mary's steadily recovering grandmother.

At the beginning of that season, just when we didn't think we could handle one more thing, God indeed gave us one more thing, and a very big thing. During that protracted trial, over and over, just when I didn't think I could handle one more burden or disappointment, God gave me yet another and then another. It was like a stairway of tears with each step leading upward to the next unsteady step ultimately landing at the birth of our son finally ending the uncertainty of that high-risk pregnancy.

Little did we know as she went into labor, we were about to begin yet another difficult stairway. When our son was born, Mary knew immediately something was not quite right with our new baby. The doctors agreed and immediately transferred him that night by ambulance, right out of our arms and off to a larger children's hospital. Indeed, he had a life-threatening defect that required immediate emergency surgery with the prospect of weeks of recovery in a neonatal ICU. Mary remained behind as they transported our baby and I drove alone behind them. What a long night that was!

Though the trials continued on beyond that night, so did God's abundant goodness and mercy. He delivered us all through those storms. Years later I still marvel how we all got through those experiences intact! I learned many things in that season, the stress of it was personally quite revealing. I came face to face with my limitations and shortcomings as a husband, father, and man. I had to look on my own naked selfishness and tendency towards self-preservation. During that fiery trial, the earthly things of little value I clung to for support or as a pacifier crumbled and burned - they all failed me. In the end, I learned to lean into God's promises and His word for daily continuity and staying power. God did indeed deliver us all through that most challenging season. I can now be thankful for that trial, but I would never want to revisit it!

So then, why am I not discouraged or defeated by the realization of my inadequacies as a husband, father, and man? Why do I not struggle under a burden of well-earned condemnation? It is because of the experience I just shared, and many others like it over my lifetime that I've experientially gained a better understanding of the biblical truths of the relationship between our loving heavenly father and us, His dear children. Because of Christ, I've received the Spirit of adoption as a son and so I no longer need fear or flee from God, but instead I've learned to run to Him, crying, "Abba! Father!" Because of Christ I do not face any condemnation, instead the Spirit bears witness to me that I am His child, a joint heir, and will one day be glorified with Him. What we struggle with today is normal and fiery trials are to be expected in our fallen world, but they don't compare with what's to come. The Spirit helps us so we can bear patiently through any trial in life, He intercedes for us in our weakness. God is working ALL things for our good and His glory according to His will. Who or what can separate us from the love of God? Simply put, absolutely nothing! (Romans 8)

What biblical truths did I learn experientially through that long season of fiery trials as a father of eight young children? Here is some, in no special order, of what I learned then in that crucible that has since served me well year after year since even as my children have now all grown and left our home.

I wonder how dear any of these truths would be to me if I had not lived through all those dark and difficult days. Would I even think to write these words down for fathers without haven gotten the scars from those trials? God knows.

So, for you fathers with your hand to the plow, press on! My prayer for you is to excel and excel yet more. May God strengthen, motivate, and equip you to complete your race in victory. May your wife rejoice in her husband, may your children rejoice in their father. May God one day welcome you into His rest with these precious words, "well done my good and faithful servant!"

Blessings to you,
Warren

Tags: mentoring, advice, guidance, purpose, godliness