The current state of the Christian home

In the course of time it seems that somewhere, somehow we have lost our way....especially as it relates to the state of our homes. While we would all agree that we desire our homes to be a haven, a shelter, and a place of peace, most of us would sadly have to concede that our family dwellings are a far cry from this description. Many today are: needy, vacuous, chaotic, divisive, self-serving, and full of conflict. None of those should describe the Christian home in any measure – that is not in line with God’s design. But in all honesty it does accurately describe many of our homes.

In the early years of our own marriage we were well on our way to fitting that troubling picture. Like most young Christian couples, we lacked any real teaching or godly examples to follow. We both came from varying degrees of dysfunctional homes and unwittingly brought our own set of ugly baggage with us. Through many grace-filled means, God mercifully began turning that tide.

Sadly, family distortions are all around us and even more sadly they are a reproach and a mockery to the name of Christ.  We know Satan looks for any opportunity to accuse God and his people of hypocrisy, failure, insincerity, and unworthiness. (Job and Revelation gives those insights). Unfortunately it seems more often than not our homes provide the kingdom of darkness ample material for making those accusations, and making them plausibly.
And such accusations are not only heard in the heavenly theater that we catch a glimpse of in Job 1, those accusations fly on earth, in our realm as well.

It should grieve us to think we are in any way adding fuel to a fire lighting the message that Christian homes are no better off than those of the world.

The current state of children

Consider for a moment the children that are being raised and "nurtured" in these homes. We are discovering a new generation of youngsters that are celebrated for mediocrity and nothingness yet exempted from any real form of service. They are isolated into ‘just-like-me’ groups while learning disdain for the different. Self-indulgences in entertainment and amusement are encouraged while they are watched over and pampered undeservedly. Parents hover like helicopters to protect and insulate them from any discomfort or harm yet turn a blind eye to the discomfort or harm their children inflict upon others.

How can that possibly help guide a child into the kingdom of heaven and grow him into a Christ-like adult? How does that teach a child to deny himself and take up his cross and follow Jesus?

God's intent for the home and family

Let's clarify what God's vision and intent was/is for the home and family.

It began in the garden of Eden with one man and one woman joined together for life and becoming one flesh in God’s sight (no longer two individuals). In this union the husband leads lovingly by serving selflessly. He protects with his very life. The wife loves him faithfully providing him companionship and help to fulfill his God given charge. Together they become a productive and industrious unit. They are a God centered pillar of society. They become reproductive and self-propagating through children to replenish the earth. Their children are a gift and blessing from God. While the parent-child relationship is special and transient the husband/wife's oneness is unchanging.

The family unit is outward, others oriented – loving, giving, serving. Together they create a home of peace, rest, order, safety, refuge, sanctuary, edification, love not only for their own family but to all who enter.

What it could be

As Christian families we want to resist the cultural attitudes and expectations of marriage, children, and home life. We want to replace the cultural ideas with God-centered, God-honoring goals and desires as we poignantly display the beauty of the gospel through a selfless, loving Christian home.

Over the years, here’s what we envisioned, what we aimed at with our own home:


As imperfectly as we may have pursued it, this has been our goal.

Along the way, we have certainly had our share of troubles: deaths in the family, illnesses, high risk pregnancy, job loss, etc. Many other trials came by way of ministry to others. They came from without - from sharing and bearing others' burdens.

In many of these trials, our kids actually helped bear the load. They participated in ways of service and gap-filling for us. They watched and learned the way of the Christian life in life-impacting ways.

Even when the waters we plied together were anything but smooth, our home remained the safest harbor, the most loving place to be, a constant refuge for rest and recharge. And in those most challenging times, we learned together the truths of Christ’s strength and sufficiency on display in our weaknesses.

Some of the fruit we are beginning to reap

By God's grace our home has become our earthly haven. There is no other place we would rather be. Our family members are our dearest friends. All profess faith and show evidence of salvation. We have had the great joy of serving together in many capacities and witnessing our children growing in servant leadership.

We share this not to boast but to encourage you to labor now and stay faithful in the raising of your children and investing deeply in your home and family. The rewards, though many come later, are rich and worth it all.

We also share this to rebut the constant message from the culture that marriage, parenting, and children are of little value and are simply a mocking-stock for sit-coms. And, in spite of the lack of great counter examples to disprove that message - it does not have to be that way. God’s plans for the home are far afield from where we seem to find ourselves today.

When parents fear God, love Christ, love each other, and others they will be positioned to raise their children well. And, when children are raised well, they bless. They bless their parents, they bless others, they bless themselves.

It is a profound blessing watching your children grow into adults who live their lives well and for the glory of God. The thought we, as parents, had some part in the development of an individual grown from infancy to adulthood, some part in evangelizing them, contributed in some way to their becoming useful to others, a blessing to others – is wonderful. That is a blessing!

Children that grow from utter dependence into independent, contributing adults, that transition from disciple to peer, and much more than peer, becoming the closest friends and supporters. That is blessing! The cheered becoming the cheerer, the supported becoming the supporter, the receiver becoming the giver - a blessing to witness.

Children can be our richest earthly blessing, we must commit to seeing them this way and help make it so in their lives. This needs to be the objective.

Vision-casting together

Now it's your turn. We would like to challenge you to prayerfully envision what you want your home and family to look like. How can your home become more God-centered and better put the beauty of the gospel on display?

Consider together current activities, family dynamics, commitments, relationships, etc. that are hindering you from attaining this right now. What changes need to take place to make your vision a reality? (Be honest, but patient, with one another as you work through this exercise.)

As in the wording in Ephesians 5, what things need to be put off, and what needs to be put on?

Pray together. Get on the same page. Commit to a "whatever it takes" attitude to make your vision come to life. Write your vision statement/goals down and put it in a visible place in your home.

In the spirit of Deuteronomy 6:7-9, take your vision and:


In other words, let your vision statement and goals permeate the very heart of your family members and then begin to witness God do a transforming work in your home. As your home transforms inevitably you will "let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matt 5:16).

You will also find your family living a life marked by eternal hope. Hope is a commodity in short supply in this world, and it seems to be growing in scarcity day by day. Nevertheless, God’s people are to overflow with hope and joy. That dynamic sets up the kind of gospel opportunity the apostle Peter describes in 1 Peter 3:14-16, where the readers are told to expect to be asked about why they have hope and when that happens they should be ready with a gospel explanation.

And that, my friends, is what it could be.

Tags: blessing, chaos, conflict, disorder, dysfunction, confidence, marriage, family, goals, godliness, helicopter parent, home life, hope, oneness, parent-child relationship, peace, perseverance, purpose, spoiled kids, stress, trials, vision, worldliness, intentionality