Discipleship as it relates to the stages of development

The Rhetoric Stage

In this series, we’ve taken a deeper look at discipleship in regard to the different stages of your child’s development. We have discussed what it looks like in the grammar stage (preschool-young elementary ages) and the logic stage (5th-9th grades). Now we will look at what discipleship looks like in the rhetoric stage (14 - 18+year olds).

In the Rhetoric Stage, kids are learning to not only analyze what they know but to defend it and persuade others. They are learning to communicate more articulately. At this point, a teen is preparing to encounter the wider world as an adult. A faithful parent can help facilitate growth of the needed skills to read critically, analyze thoughtfully, influence faithfully, and articulate their beliefs clearly.

Below are ways to help disciple and encourage rich spiritual growth during this important stage.

1. Encourage your teen in the daily disciplines of personal bible reading and prayer. Do all you can to help their faith become their own.

2. Weekly commitment and attendance to a sound church is paramount at this age. If you have faithfully facilitated this, it will naturally become a part of their life even after they leave home. Also, they should be faithfully giving financially to the church as the start of a lifetime practice. This discipline begins at whatever age a child begins earning pay.

3. Make available to them a growing library of theological books and great sermons. Let these resources be a means to promote rich discussion. These conversations can help reveal where your teen may be struggling spiritually and what deeper questions they may have. Be sure to be a safe listener, let them ask risky questions. Don’t fear, they are simply looking for reassurance and wanting to learn the logical defense of their faith. Sometimes we simply answer with, “God is bigger than our understanding - if I fully understood God, then he must not be God. His ways and thoughts are far beyond ours. We must trust him.”

4. Begin looking for other godly adults to speak into your teen’s life (choose them wisely). God has used spiritual mentors powerfully in our older children's lives.

5. Their faith should be going from internal to external and from consumer to producer. At this is stage they should be having a growing burden to evangelize the lost, a greater desire to use their spiritual gifts to serve and minister to those in need.

6. Your teens later high school years are the perfect time for them to develop discipleship skills by helping and serving in ministry (Sunday school classes, Vacation Bible School, short term mission trips, etc.). Ministry is a powerful means to help ward off temptations, as well. Our older kids have often shared that participating in ministry during this season of life gave them a greater reason to keep their testimonies strong. Their ministry to others added a greater spiritual weightiness and deep motivation to stay clear of sin as it could greatly hurt the cause of Christ and stumble others. Opportunities for ministry and service are critical at this age.

7. A great youth ministry can have a lasting impact at this age. A poor youth ministry can have a lasting impact at this age. Choose wisely. Once you have chosen a youth group, help your child be committed and deeply vested in it.

8. Encourage growth in discernment and wisdom through discussion of life events, scriptures, cultural issues. You need to spend time helping fine tune their world-view and spiritual filter.

9. For those with larger families (or age gaps), this is a perfect season for older kids to help disciple and influence younger siblings for the kingdom. Your kids need to be reminded that discipleship starts at home.

10. You want to do all you can to allow consequences of sin and poor decisions as well as God’s sanctifying work to be active in your child’s life. Do not get in the way or manipulate this important process. These seasons of hardship in your child’s life is another means to point them to the Lord and allow their faith to be strengthened.

11. At this stage, their faith should be clearly becoming their own – this is something you are reminding them through conversations and discipleship. This is where the transfer of their confidence moves from their parents faith to their own and becomes more complete. The impact of the genuineness of your own faith as a parent now comes into play powerfully. If you have been faithful in your walk with the Lord (not perfect, but faithful) you can speak with authority and confidence as you help them complete this transition.

12. Accountability is paramount at this stage. An older teen does not need to be micro-managed but rather held accountable for where, with whom, and how they spend their time, money, and energies. You should be adding to your discipleship deep discussions on ways they can safeguard themselves from tempting situations. The truths of 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 became a theme at this stage for our children:

If you have been faithful in the discipleship of your child throughout these stages of development you should begin to see the fruit of your labors in their spiritual maturity and passion for the Lord. The older they become the more your relationship changes from parent-to-child to brother and sister in Christ. This is a beautiful transformation that begins to to take shape during this stage and one that will last for eternity.

Tags: discipleship, intentionality, practical help, beliefs, church, expectations, faith, family, godliness, guidance, motivation, priorities, salvation, spiritual leadership, vision, wisdom, prayer, seasons of parenting, teens